validation.

it's easy to give off the perception of being confident. wear bright and bold clothing, laugh and talk louder than others, take pictures of yourself often and don't let anyone see you cry. after enough time of putting on this facade, you might even start believing it, too and you'll eventually convince yourself that this image makes you secure. this was me. don't get me wrong, i don't have issues with self-esteem or anything. i honestly think i'm pretty awesome. but deep in my core, i don't think i really knew who i was. my identity was just a hodgepodge of random adjectives- Korean, strong, loud, happy, loving. i believed whatever other people told me i was, which was mostly positive anyways. nonetheless, when it came down to it, there was nothing or no one actually validating me. i admit, subconsciously, i looked to basically everything and everyone else for this validation. each failed attempt just left me more lost and emptier than before. then something kind of spectacular happened. when i didn't even know what i was looking for and although i didn't ask, God showed up and told me he knows me. he revealed so intimately that i'm perfectly loved by him, apart from anything i've done or will do. it's funny how everything is different once you find out who you are. and although this self discovery wasn't elaborate or so comprehensive, it's enough to alter my outlook and ultimately all i need to be secure. as corny as it sounds, suddenly life has meaning.