Wednesday, March 28, 2012

just the way you are.

i remember riding in the car one night this past winter with dad when he turned to me and confessed that whenever he feels angry or upset with life, all he needs is to hear mom's voice or see her face and everything is alright with the world. it's that simple. all it takes is the sound of her hello over the phone or a glimpse of her smile and it's enough to remedy any adversity and like a switch he has joy and peace again. i also recall crying after he confided in me and i told him how much i want what they have. not to be cynical or anything, but i genuinely think it's nothing short of a miracle when people find that kind of pure, almost childlike, love these days. it's easy to lose faith in love and even easier to give up hope in people. they disappoint us, don't measure up, fall short of expectations, they're awkward or have major issues, they aren't tall enough, smart enough, ambitious enough, attractive enough, etc. the list goes on when you're constantly sizing people up. there's always something to write off in order to move on with lightning speed to the next one on the list. these past couple weeks have been exhausting. whether it's self-imposed or not, i'm perpetually feeling like i'm having to prove myself. subconsciously, i'm attempting to convince whoever is sitting on the other side of the table that i'm actually pretty awesome if you'd just give me a chance, kinda like a job interview- even if i quite honestly couldn't care less. whyyy? it's ridiculous and it's unnecessary. after all, it just takes that one to have that extra special twinkle in his eye when he looks at me (i'm like half kidding here). i'm probably making this sound a lot more desperate than the situation entails but i'm digressing. regardless, if i keep this up at this rate, it might even be enough to drain my motivation to keep on trucking with cheerleader-like confidence. oftentimes i wonder how i can still so naively believe in real, untainted love after all the ish i've been through. but when i really think about it, i don't know any other way to be. call me a fool or maybe i'm just a sucker for love. i'd rather veer on the side of the amazing grace of God that protected my heart like crazy all these years. it makes my heart whole again and renews my hope and faith in love like the very first time. now i'm just learning to take a chill pill and enjoy the ride. this can be fun.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you... dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."
- Unknown