faithful to my heart's desire.

"We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus, or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all He has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." Federick Faber

how is it possible that the pure goodness of our Lord has no end and even our greatest, wildest thoughts of Him still fall short of who He really is? we behold our Father based on our own ideals and the limitations of our fantasies. we think He's awesome, but He's even better than we could ever begin to imagine. my definition of "good" is constantly being ruined and redefined by His overwhelming faithfulness in my life and as a witness of Jesus at work in others' lives. those secret dreams we keep sacred in our hearts are crying out to be fulfilled. but oftentimes we deter from dreaming so big in fear that we're just simply being foolish. distrusting our God, we convince ourselves that it's too good to ever be true. and then at just the right time, Jesus breaks in and dares us to believe that He's willing and able to give us our heart's desire- and more! abraham believed and it was credited to him as righteousness! as we step out with arms wide open in surrender and expectation, He satisfies the hope we carry into completion because He himself is our hope. the crazy thing is, i actually have faith that He is that good. as i see His plans for me unfold one layer at a time, i'm experiencing His beauty and glory afresh that it commands my soul to respond in worship and thanksgiving. in the midst of yearning for more of His presence, His desires become my desires. so why would He withhold Himself when He is actually the desire of our hearts? He longs to invade our lives and take us up in His story. so i say, YES. over and over again, YES. i want more of You, Jesus.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:7-11

radical.

there's something massive stirring up inside me lately that i can't appropriately or sufficiently put into words. i'm finding that the only proper way for me to convey what's going on inside of me is to look up to heaven, raise my hands, and just get lost obsessing about this man named Jesus. i'm slowly unveiling what it means to live in extravagant love for a King who gave it all for me- not just in theory, but walked out in faith and action. driven by this desire to gain what's eternal, i'm asking God how to deposit into eternity and bring glory to His name. it's funny because whenever i ask God a question, He's so quick to provide a revelation or an opportunity for me to respond in obedience. i want to waste my life breaking alabaster jars at His feet, just worshiping and loving Jesus. but if i profess with my lips that i long for Him to be exalted and lifted high in israel and for the chains of injustice to be broken in NK, how am i living out this cry in my heart? there has been a literal aching and longing in my soul to bring His kingdom to earth, to the hardest and darkest places. giving my all is the only option, so i'm investing my prayers, my future, my desires, my finances and my whole life. i'm forsaking everything and trading all i have in reckless abandonment because i need to see His face. i can confidently do this because i have ridiculous faith in a ridiculously good God & trust that He'll take care of the rest. but that deserves a whole blog of its own which i'll save for another day.

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

love story.

i've been reflecting back at my life, particularly the past 10 years, quite a bit lately. i feel like God has been highlighting certain memories, heartaches and victories, to remind me that he was always there, even when i failed to recognize Him. to be really honest, for a long time i had difficulty accepting a lot of the things that happened. subconsciously i think i was always somewhat envious of those people who never went through extreme hardships and dark seasons. there were plenty of moments when i wished i could trade places with someone with an easier life and more favorable circumstances. but now i look back at my journey and see so much beauty every step of the way. He really is so faithful to the end and my heart is just being destroyed over and over again as i'm witnessing His redemption. especially during the most hopeless situations when i couldn't see an end to the suffering and had no outward reason to be joyful, it all mattered to God and it was not in vain. when our family literally had nothing else to cling onto or rely on but God, He never failed or disappointed us. all the times my heart was broken seemingly beyond repair, God was weeping with me and holding my hand. when the last of the locusts were done eating away at the little that was left, even then, my eyes have been opened to see God's fingerprints everywhere. it was all perfect because it has brought me to where i'm at now. i'm thankful for parents who are madly in love with the Lord who chose to praise God regardless of how bad or frequent the storms. i'm forever indebted to them for always putting God first and inevitably showing me and sis to do the same. after 10 years of sowing prayers and believing in His goodness, we're reaping the fruits and discovering that He restores tenfold what was initially lost. i came to realize very recently that i absolutely adore and treasure my story because Jesus is smothered all over it. it was only through experiencing utter brokenness and desperation that i'm able to confidently say there is genuinely nothing that compares to Him and no one else i want to give my whole heart and life to but God. this is no sacrifice. i know true joy- not defined by circumstances, possessions, or status- but by the simple fact that i'm fully known and loved by Jesus. in sweet surrender accompanied by deep hunger, i've found the one thing i've been searching for my whole life- true love. the creator of the entire universe is also the most intimate lover of my soul. i haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what this means, but i'm going to spend the rest of my life unfolding the weight of this mystery. it's become my obsession- i worship God as i sleep and wake up to all my thoughts being wholly consumed and captivated by Him. and i've never been happier. there's something so liberating and peaceful about giving total control to a perfectly trustworthy God. in my own story, there has been a recurring theme of restoration and His crazy, passionate, unrelenting love that has defined me and given me a purpose and calling- to bring His restoration and love to those who live in hopelessness and darkness, specifically in NK. but first things first. God, all my delights are in You.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Psalm 27:4