Better.

I'm quickly realizing that I don't always make the best decisions, yet God is consistently so faithful and gracious to me. It's also dawning on me that I really can't keep taking this grace and/or "luck" for granted. I feel desperate to get out of this vicious cycle of picking myself back up after too many falls, mistakes & regrets. I'm twenty freaking eight years old and all of a sudden the harsh truth is hitting me: I've got to stop messing around & making poor decisions because the clock is ticking and I'm not getting any younger. I need to grow up, be wiser, and more responsible for my actions. Although I can visibly see how much I've grown even in the past few months, I'm still desiring to be so much more. So as of right now, I'm vowing to be a better Jini. God, please help :)

"Don't give up on your faith. Love comes to those who believe it." Celine Dion.
Digging this quote...but as much as we believe in love, it really comes to those who are worthy of such love. So yeah, I'm striving to be one who is worthy of true, radical, extravagant love :)

isn't life funny?

you know there are times when you try so hard to make something work but it just never does? the timing is not right, it's completely out of your control and nothing is happening the way you planned. so after one too many disappointments, you slowly loosen your grip and finally throw your hands up and surrender. you pray for a fresh start and new eyes to see what God sees. then, not too long after, on a day when you swear the sun is shining extra bright, you realize what you were looking for has been there all along right in front of you. you wonder how it's possible that you never noticed before but thankful that your perspective has changed. the rest has yet to be written i suppose...you never know ;)

umma's prayer for sis & me

A Father Prayer by General Douglas MacArthur

(replace son w/ daughters and father w/ mother)

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee….Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.

Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”



Read more at A Father Prayer by General Douglas MacArthur

gotta have faith.

It's incredible how far a little bit of faith can go. I'm realizing this as I'm reflecting on the beginning of this year, now already 3 months in. The most suitable word that would perfectly describe Jini in 2011 up until not too long ago is simply: numb. I didn't really allow myself to feel anything or have a reaction that was either hot or cold. Somewhere along the way, as much as I'd hate to admit this, I lost my faith. It's ironic that I can have tons of faith in God for others, pray big prayers with total conviction & proclaim miracles, yet when it comes to believing for myself, I'm full of doubts. Being a control freak and having a mild case of OCD, I confess I tried to make it on my own strength and willpower. As if I could do things better, I neglected to trust that I'm a beloved child of God. How could he NOT provide and care for His very own creation? We are His masterpiece. All the stress, anxiety, worries, fears and anger, these things just reaffirmed the fact that there was a vast absence of faith in a loving and omnipotent God. Although my faith is nowhere near perfect, I'm rediscovering that it's not necessarily the amount of faith that matters so much as the object of my faith. Gradually, I'm learning to fully believe that God really IS so good and I have nothing to fear. And as I'm allowing this powerful truth to sink in and take root, I'm finding myself breathing easier, with peace in my heart, smiling at the future.



11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.
Jeremiah 29

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37