taking chances.

i don't think i can claim that i've ever attempted to do anything where i didn't have some sort of control of the outcome. this is no coincidence, given that i revel in safe situations and i rarely do extreme and daring things that require much dependence on others. i like order, routine, planning, and security. i spent my senior yr of high school calculating my caloric intake by using measuring cups to ensure i consumed exactly one serving of cereal and milk in the morning. during my elementary school days everything on my desk had to be 90 degrees or i would literally cry, and in college i would finish midterm projects with months to spare. i have this weird love/hate relationship with control- i love having it but it seriously drives me insane. so you could imagine how i would be the last person you'd expect to do anything so outrageously outside of my comfort zone. that's how i know this can only be God, not me. for the first time in my life, i have no backup plan. no plan b. no tangible safety net. i have no clue where i'm going to be in 6 months. and the beautiful thing is, i'm totally fine. i've honestly never felt such intense peace and pure joy. over the course of the past 2 weeks, God has replaced my fear and restlessness with faith in someone so much greater and bigger than me. i've never been so confident in Jesus' love for me to the point where i would trade everything to pursue knowing and loving Him more (kinda scary typing this out, not gonna lie). it's definitely the best decision i've ever made...and this is just the beginning. nothing's even happened yet. but whenever i take a moment to stop and think about Jesus and all that he has done in my past and will do in the future, i become so overwhelmed and can barely take it all in. you know that feeling when you hold hands with someone you really like and your heart just pitter-patters? mmmmm, yeah. :) like falling in love for the first time. God, i don't wanna miss a thing.