Sunday, July 15, 2012


i don't know where this is going. i freak out often and your persistence and boldness makes me fidgety and very nervous. you make plans for us and nonchalantly invite me along when i haven't even fully consented or decided if that's what i want. i inadvertently push you away when i tell you harsh realities that are difficult to say (probably even harder to hear) but you keep coming back to me. why? you just want to hang out with me even if you can't really have all of me b/c you know someone else has what's left of my heart. rejection and excuses and busyness do not seem to deter you. you wait so confidently with unwavering childlike hope for one day when i'll be ready and willing to glance in your direction and give you a chance (and a call me maybe). nothing about your patience or initiative makes sense, it's completely foreign, and  it makes me uncomfortable. yet you don't expect anything from me, just to simply let you be good to me. as much as it surprises me to admit it, your pursuit is healing deep wounds and wiping out vicious lies in this deceptive and tricky heart of mine. it's renewing my faith in love and shedding light on how it's supposed to be. you're raising the bar and perfectly portraying how i know i deserve to be treated and sought out after- with love, purity and respect. this is the what You intended for me before i got it all wrong and lost my way. like i said before, i don't know where this is going and i don't need to. for now all i know is You're restoring my soul. You're romancing me in the midst of the chaos and storms that i so violently and desperately want to shake off. even in my anger and frustration of being caught in this all too familiar, unbelievably painful and cursed cycle again, You speak tenderly to me (even if it's just to tell me to chill out and breathe b/c it's gonna be alright). i let out a good cry (or two or three) b/c i'm just too old for this and have no tolerance for it anymore but i can hear Your whispers loud and clear. You remind me that i'm made for love and pleasure and You have plans for me. oh boy, do You have plans for my life. i recall Your promises over me and You fill me with ridiculous joy and excitement that You will be faithful to all the radical and silly desires of my heart. You're the only one brings me peace and You're overwhelming my heart.

You love me.