songs of joy.

the world is a cruel and lonely place upon the discovery that your so-called claim to fame is all a sham. it deeply disappoints me to realize and admit that i'm actually not as hardcore and strong as i formerly believed and deceptively let on. i'm sorry but i regret to inform you that it was all a front. i can't run as long as i used to. i can no longer take all the hits and blows and still come back for more. i'm prone to injuries and it takes longer for my body to recover these days. my tolerance has drastically decreased and i'm softer than i was last year. it's almost as if what tough endurance i did have was really just a mix of anesthesia and adrenaline that is now slowly and painfully wearing off. not just physically but even the dead and sleeping areas in my heart and memory have been awakened and it's not pretty. all of a sudden, i'm inexplicably hurting everywhere and i'm at a loss for a sensible reason why. seemingly out of nowhere, i'll just be overcome with tears and raw emotions and cry uncontrollably. seriously, where the heck is this coming from? i thought i took care of this while i was in hawaii. ok no problem. let's just quickly clean up the mess and get it together already. God, redemption now. please? for the past few weeks or so i've been glaring at my issues to the point where that's all i could see. i kept convincing myself i was so weak until i believed it and was consumed by it...until yesterday. i was listening to a new song called "come back down" by greg laswell & sara bareilles and i swear she was singing to me when i heard the line, "all of your wallowing is unbecoming." ouch. i snapped out of feeling sorry for myself and relying on my own limited wisdom to fix whatever is going on inside of me. ok i give up my right to fully understand what He's doing. yeah, i may not be as strong as i thought or hoped, but i am not a helpless and distressed little girl either. Christ lives in me and He renews my strength and transforms me more and more into His image every day. i believe this. i am a child of God and the maker of heaven and earth also created me and has amazing purposes for my life. for the first time in months i started dreaming God sized dreams again and reclaimed His promises for me. the harsh truth is, we will constantly be faced with hundreds of justifications to cry and temptations to give in. but for each trial or dark season there are exponentially more reasons to be joyful and give thanks. no matter what the circumstances, there is always an abundance of things to rejoice about. we can smile at the storm and sing in the rain because of the hope and confidence we have as we walk with Jesus. talk about a great awakening. this is gonna be glorious.



When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.  


Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. 


Psalm 126: 1-3, 5-6