Wednesday, May 16, 2012

love's the cure.

throughout the deplorable predicaments and exceptional hardships that i have faced, regardless of whether the conflict was a result of my faulty actions or not, i always feared the worst case scenarios. despite the heaps of optimism that ran through my veins and my attempts to remain positive and not give into any paranoia and skepticism, my heart couldn't help but entertain the possibility of what i believed to be utter destruction and the end of my life as i knew it. as the saying goes, i hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. i convinced myself that if these fears are ultimately realized, the world will be flipped upside down and i simply will not survive- like a korean drama unfolding right before my eyes. so what happens when those nightmares actually become a reality? from past experience after i'm all cried out from mourning the loss or tragedy, i wake up the next morning to discover that life does in fact go on even with a broken heart and crushed spirit. we don't fully comprehend our ability to endure unimaginable adversity until we're smack in the middle of it. then when the worst is over, because there's always an end, we rise above it all and after sufficient time has past, we become fighters and more resilient. so is it true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? i typically deal with issues head on- i don't mind confrontation, a little mess here, discomfort there- so long as the problems are solved or at least addressed with a solution in sight. but with matters that are completely out of my control, where i'm helpless and gravely wounded, i tend to run and hide. subconsciously or very purposefully, i block out specific memories as a defense mechanism. choosing to not remember certain details sure seems like a suitable method of coping at least for a while but are we better off? did those unfortunate circumstances really make us stronger or was it all in vain? after enough instances of running, hiding, brushing aside, & making excuses, our "resilience" actually becomes numb tolerance. we repress our love and hold back affection and just don't care anymore. the scary thing is the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. we stop saying hello, purposely withhold smiles when they're in our vicinity, and simply ignore their existence. sometimes we're deceived into believing that just because we don't feel rage or bitterness anymore we don't hate deep down inside. it's both comforting and frightening to know that no matter how easily our hearts build up calloused walls in order to forget, God never does. the incident could have happened 6 years ago with blurry details but it still matters to Him and He doesn't ask us to just get over it because we're convinced we need to be invincible. we are not that impressive. oftentimes the hardest thing to do is just admit that it still stings and we still cry even if we pretend to be hardcore and play it off like we're over it. it's only by His divine grace that He doesn't leave us where we are to silently carry these offenses that inevitably rot our hearts. when we least expect it, He will dig up the wounds and give us a cure for our indifference- an abundance of His extravagant love. this might hurt a little but it'll be worth it. promise.

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12 


Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

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