the exception, not the rule

i hate that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you realize you may be held back or disqualified based on the past. the regrettable mistakes and inopportune circumstances that literally took years to actively shake off and overcome unfortunately still lurk around like a foul odor just asking to make us stink all over again. people naturally form judgments and whether we can fault them for it or not, everyone loves to talk about everyone else. i get it. i'm probably guilty of it, too. without grace and much of a second chance, our minds are already made up about others regardless of how well we can fake it to their face. we ask and desire to be more like Jesus and yet we can't even look past and genuinely forgive each other's momentary indiscretions to truly love them. these things are called set backs for a reason and it's the exception, not the rule, when we can be presented as faultless and blameless despite of our pasts.
whenever i question if all the detours and poor choices that i've made throughout my life will set me on the wrong course or cause me to miss out on what He initially intended, i'm reminded of the OT and Jesus's genealogy. it almost looks as if He purposely chose to weave in all the massive failures and disasters to set up the most glorious story of redemption and love. i don't want to imply that He predestines us to fall into sin or leads us on the wrong path. that's heresy. genesis 1 to this exact moment in time is just evidence of how powerful and amazing is His grace. He purifies and refines us until we're never the same. that old self is dead. we don't even recognize that person anymore. we're elevated to where we could never be given our own strength and strategy. it's so like God's character to use the least likely candidates, flaws and failures and all, to bring glory to Himself. the more i seek Jesus and the more He reveals Himself to me, i discover that He just loves to do this. He takes the most miserable and dire situations and shows up so that we're literally on our faces in awe and wonder. i think He likes the challenge and the shock factor.
i was riding the subway yesterday and just reflecting on all the events i have to look forward to in the near future- weddings, vacations, etc. but what takes the cake by far is looking forward to standing before Jesus face to face. i couldn't help but smile really big as i was sitting there by myself. i think i was even blushing. yeah, i know this sounds kinda crazy. i mean, who thinks about this stuff? i believe the HS imparted that to me to this time to remind me of how much i don't deserve Him. it's actually embarrassing how much i fall short. it's scary b/c more often than not i think we run the risk of subconsciously feeling entitled to God's mercy and exceedingly good love. it's so nice and cozy in His presence that we forget the depth of despair from which we were rescued.
it's enough that He presses the reset button and makes everything new with a clean slate. but He doesn't just stop there. Jesus takes our very areas of intense brokenness and deep shame and turns it into something beautiful. He gives us a crown of beauty for ashes. He contradicts the rule and it's completely unfair...and kinda scandalous.


to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:3


slightly more than your average little girl who daydreams of fairy tales and happy endings, i yearn and long for an epic love story. i'm not even ashamed to admit it anymore. haha, obviously. i am a romantic to the core. although it can be perceived as unrealistic or a hopeless cause, or even a character defect, i believe the Lord made me like this to reflect His original plan. He made us for extravagant love. God is love. by the transitive property, we were made for God.
this is going to get lost in translation and words will never suffice to express that Jesus is my epic love story. He's my perfect, fairy tale ending and fulfills every unreasonable and silly desire of this fickle heart of mine. He is everything i've been waiting and frantically searching my whole life for. He is my sweet redemption and the greatest reward. none of this makes sense and yet it's the only thing that's real and the only thing that matters. He is my exception.