Wednesday, April 24, 2013

we can love the way that we are loved.

as unpleasant or disruptive as it can be, i believe God purposefully allows certain events to occur that will shake and awaken us out of our complacency. we can kick, scream and resist as much as we want b/c it hurts like hell but there's no avoiding God's pursuit of our whole hearts. He will always have His way b/c His love is too fierce to simply leave us as we are. b/c we are relational beings, i know He will strategically place people in our paths who will cause us to violently fight off the deception and lies we subconsciously live under until there is real & lasting breakthrough and freedom.
in my case, it came in the form of the fulfillment of a deep longing in my heart. as cliche as this may sound, the whole scenario played out like i always dreamed and hoped for- with integrity, clarity and purity- the way it was always meant to be. it was precisely everything i needed and desired and yet it highlighted and magnified all the disgusting junk that was hiding inside of me. where did this come from and why the heck is it still here?? i felt paralyzed by fear and helpless to do anything about it. so many mornings i gave into senseless doubts and tried to sabotage myself from the intense peace and joy that threatened to replace it. i even surprised myself with how aggressively my damaged heart tried to deceive me. i naively thought, "ok, i just need to chill out and give this some time and getting used to." but battles are not passively won. there's a responsibility and an authority we have to take all of those false thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ and His truth. (JUST SAY NO).

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5


this may sound ironic but i'm beginning to realize that desperation for Jesus is such a gift and an amazing invitation. each time i let my insecurities and painful history drive me to my knees before the feet of Jesus, He restores me and transforms me. He takes my ashes and crowns me with beauty. the enemy may have intended to harm me but God intended it for good. as much as i cave into these gross lies from time to time, i know that the light that is instilled deep within me shines brighter than the darkness that looms around waiting to devour me. yes, i'm still so broken but i am stronger than i realize and i do not have to keep punishing myself. He calls me beautiful and beloved and redeemed.
there is so much hope and good news. we can love the way that we are loved- by the One who is love & the author and perfecter of our faith. 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:18-19

“In God there is no hunger that needs to be filled, only plenteousness that desires to give.” 
― C.S. LewisThe Four Loves



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