silent.

i'm stuck trying to find a happy medium between saying too much and nothing at all. this is atypical of me because i'm usually not one to be at a loss for words. in the past i've always shared exactly how i'm feeling or what's on my mind, saying things i would most likely regret the next day. i had no problem with confrontation, not really considering the backlash or how i might come off. and now, as i'm growing up and becoming somewhat wiser, i'm learning to hold my tongue, and not just for my sake but for the sake and sanity of others. even if i wanted to, this time i honestly don't know how to put into words a proper explanation that will make sense or bring any clarity. so here we are. just mute. maybe it's better to say nothing at all, to save face and not risk being incredibly vulnerable, even if it means possibly hurting the one i'm being silent to. perhaps it's more beneficial to let them conjure up their own assumptions, however inaccurate or deluded, of what's going on than to lay out the truth. because the reality is i want to say everything you want to hear but won't let myself. not this time. i want to share with you something that made me laugh out loud yesterday, ask you how you're doing, say how much i miss being your friend. i want to tell you that this isn't about my pride or winning or losing. afterall, in the end it all comes down to love. so without carefully articulated words, in my silence and stillness, i hope this truth is louder than any false conjecture.