liberation.

I set my alarm for 6:20 am on Sunday morning, but woke up a few minutes before 6 am to the sound of my own sobbing and a broken record in my head playing "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Naturally, I was confused and surprised at my own apologetic stance particularly toward this specific person. It's been 3 years since our relationship came to a rude and abrupt halt, and although I had forgiven him years ago, my feelings went straight from extreme hatred and bitterness to indifference. Despite the fact that we see each other, albeit in passing, once a week, I hardly ever think twice about him or care to revisit the disaster that caused me so much pain and utter brokenness. So anyone could probably easily understand my confusion Sunday morning. After all, I was undeniably the victim who was owed the profuse apologies; he should really be the one begging me for my forgiveness. Never in my lifetime did I ever think I would feel it necessary to offer him an apology for what happened between us. But in the clarity and stillness that accompanies many mornings, however backwards or ridiculous as it seems, I was sincerely so sorry for everything. I was sorry for hating him for so long that it literally physically hurt each time I thought about him, I was sorry for judging him and inadvertently putting myself in the place of God, I was sorry for letting my pride get in the way of ever saying "hello" again, and I was sorry that I withheld the grace that could've freed and released me so much sooner. When you think about it, we've all been wronged, some more than others. But in the end we're all in the same boat, desperate for God's grace and in need of His forgiveness, mercy and kindness.