Sunday, February 26, 2012

love matters.


whether we acknowledge and accept it or not, we are each a product of our upbringing and our past experiences and choices. i guess depending on our childhoods and histories, this can work in our favor or be detrimentally dooming. given that everyone grows up with their own set of family issues and dramas, it's no doubt a testament to amazing grace that we all don't turn out to be completely wretched and broken adults. the momentous occasions in our lives that either propel us forward or take us back ten steps gingerly mold who we are becoming with each new day. for instance, people rarely have issues with intimacy or fits of rage just because that's their personality. something in their past, maybe violence or infidelity at home, provoked the behavior and instilled that character within them. those events from our pasts that aren't so easily discarded decisively play a role in the types of people we grow up to be. it affects our social circles, our performance at work, our prejudices, even outlook on life in general. it's naive to think that the countless decisions we make daily aren't important, that our parents' choices from long ago aren't significantly impacting the present. the people we allow into our spheres of influence, the compromises we make, the environment we choose to encompass ourselves with, the special chosen ones we trust with our whole hearts, they all leave extensive impressions even if it's just for a season. i've noticed that somewhere along the way, i lost count of how many people have come in and out of my life like a revolving door. they appear out of thin air, stick around indefinitely but long enough to become a huge part of my world, and then disappear as abruptly as they came. unfortunately, the departures have a tendency to leave roots of bitterness and grave wounds that could potentially take years of mending and restoring. but on the flip side, there are those encounters that teach me how to love better and deeper than i ever thought was possible. with my biggest regrets and stupidest mistakes, i'm finding that those were the very cases that taught me how to be stronger and wiser in the end. i learned how to forgive, how to be long suffering, how to see the good in bad situations, give the benefit of the doubt and always believe in love above all things. call me idealistic or plain childlike, but i don't believe in luck, chance or coincidence. not one bit. i believe everything happens for a reason and that there is someone much greater and more powerful than we'll ever comprehend who is in control of our lives. the scary or unappealing aspect is that if there is an alternate force or higher being that writes our destinies, then we might as well be robots because we don't have a say anyways. the most important consideration here is that the One who is in control is not only all powerful but all loving, and love is always a choice. regardless of how our parents failed us or mistreated each other, despite how many times we gave our hearts away, with all our failures and victories, the point is that it all matters and there is never a shortage of hope because He makes all things new. ever since i came back home a couple months ago, each passing week has been so unpredictable and drastically different than the one before. although i can't map out what to expect next, it's kind of fascinating to see in retrospect how intricately the simplest of decisions made with the profoundest of revelations have collectively brought me to where i am now. the winter has passed and the springtime has come, figuratively speaking. when we choose love over every other option, even our goodbyes and closed chapters have the potential to usher in fresh beginnings and spark new flames. rather than waiting around for coincidence or chance to give us a lucky break, we have to turn the page and anticipate the bonfire.

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