i'm realizing these days, as i'm intentionally observing my mom, just how incredibly similar we are. from our distinct hearty laugh to the way we cut fruit- even down to the way our lips slightly pout as we're cutting- there is no doubt i am my mother's daughter. i guess i never really noticed before just how much of her idiosyncrasies i've subconsciously picked up throughout the years. now (almost) twenty-nine years later, i see that my behavior isn't best explained by the fact that i was raised in kansas, or by me being a 막내 or even a Christian. i am who i am largely because of my mom, and not solely because of the years sown into prayer for me but simply by living life with her. so i have these awfully loud, angry neighbors. no matter what time of the day it is, i constantly hear them screaming at each other as if they only know one decibel- extremely loud. i already see how the edgy kids are following the precedent set by their parents. not that i'm judging, but it does help me appreciate and value the way my mom raised me. above all, the greatest thing she ever taught me was how to love. i think sometimes we're so in love with love that it makes us sick. true, there's nothing that quite compares to the thrill of being in love for the first time. the high is practically like an out of body experience (so i've heard). but as great as that rush is, there's something so sacred and precious about the longevity of love. it's no longer all about feelings and cliches. sure, there are the occasional rainbows and butterflies, but when the hype runs dry, that's when true love takes on the verb form. i can confidently say that my mom's love for our family, particularly my dad, is evident in her actions. she is long suffering, she is not selfish, she is not easily angered. mom prefers others' needs above her own, she encourages and lifts up, and she always trusts, hopes and endures. i've witnessed how much mom's heart has grown and her capacity to love has stretched as she's deliberately and consistently chosen to love especially when it was tough and when she didn't necessarily feel like it. despite all the valleys and dark seasons our family has endured, through all the sicknesses and years of locusts eating away at our hope and joy, mom's love has only become stronger and more resilient. i'm aware of it with each home-cooked kimchee jjigae. i see it every time dad holds mom's hands as they stroll around the neighborhood. i hear it in mom's simple "eung" in response to dad telling her "i love you" after thirty years of marriage and still not exhausting or diminishing the significance of the L word. this is just a glimpse of what i might be like thirty years from now and it's lookin good ;) i only wish i was able to blog in korean so mom could read this. hehe.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
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