it's pretty ridiculous how easily we can deceive our hearts into believing something that's not genuine, placing our hopes into faulty hands all because we lose sight of what's real and true. oftentimes, i know i'm guilty of only considering what's immediate and readily accessible, limiting my options and inevitably crushing my faith, instead of trusting and holding out for more. i guess this is a true test of patience: knowing that He is up to something good in all the delays and detours we face instead of foolishly reacting out of haste. there have been instances where i convinced myself to play along and be accommodating to something i knew was totally off. it just wasn't me at all yet i was trying so tirelessly to change myself in order to fit my circumstances, like trying to squeeze my feet into size 6 stilettos (i'm a size 10). i denied my actual desires, some that i even subconsciously suppressed, in order to pursue what was right in front of me because it felt safer than to keep my standards of what i knew i needed. in the process, i swapped out best for just good enough for now. sure, it'll suffice, i suppose. i threw away my detailed and specific prayer requests, all the while convincing myself i was just being too picky and high maintenance. it's incredibly humbling as i'm writing this because i feel as if the Lord picks up all of my crumbled up lists of my secret yearnings and longings out of the trash and hands them back to me, answered tenfold. when i experience firsthand His divine favor and grace over my life, i can't help but feel slightly embarrassed that i doubted His providence and faithfulness. you mean, i don't have to fit an obscure mold or front like i'm someone i'm clearly not? a couple weeks ago, i made it through 3rd round interviews at a prominent real estate investment firm. some of the requirements were long hours, professional demeanor, corporate environment & dress-code, ability to handle high levels of stress, super fast paced- basically everything that's obviously not me. it's nothing but God's mercy that i didn't get the position because i would've probably settled and accepted the first offer. thank God that He knows me so well and was preparing the perfect job all along to give me at just the right time. last tuesday morning i interviewed with the executives of the largest film/tv production studio in nyc. i was completely myself, without embellishments or exaggerations, simply confident and honest. when i came home from the interview, i went for a long run to ease any anxieties and kept repeating out loud, "God, i trust You. God, i trust You." i don't have to freak out and try to control or manipulate a favorable outcome. i figured if it was meant to be, then God would make it happen effortlessly and i would gladly and humbly receive it as a gift. i got an offer and accepted by the afternoon and started my new job the very next day. it's like a dream- 9 to 5, casual dress-code, small & intimate company, chill and laid back atmosphere, friendly exec team, better pay and benefits than i prayed for, and lots of fun perks. this is pure grace- that He doesn't allow us to compromise and settle but instead He gives us more than we will ever deserve or attempt to wish for. i'm proclaiming and believing this for all the other areas of my life where i haven't seen the same kind of breakthrough. i'm holding onto the promise that as i continue to delight in Him, He will be faithful to the desires of my heart- all for the glory of His name. Jesus, i thank You.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11
*the day i accepted the job offer, i had a celebratory dinner at pf chang's and the picture is the fortune i got from my cookie. oh gosh, He knows me. fosho.
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