Tuesday, January 17, 2012

unscripted


2007, until recently, was remembered as the year i lost my head and had my heart torn apart and trampled on as a result. it was indisputably one of the darkest and most tumultuous seasons of my life to date. even now as i reflect back on this year, i cringe at the thought of the desperation and hurt that i experienced. Lord, have mercy. oy vey. the unbearable weight of the rejection, betrayal, and heartache brought me to such a low point that i sought out professional help through Christian counseling. during this detox period of seeking healing and mending my heart back to its original design, i was part of a TLC (small group at church) called "Izreal." we named our group after receiving a prophecy and being commissioned at the beginning of the TLC year. we were to be marked as the greatest growth group, a compassionate army, and have a jacob spirit. after wrestling with God for blessings and encountering Him face to face, jacob's name was changed to israel because he struggled with God and with man and overcame. hence our tlc name, Izreal, which also appropriately fit because it was comprised of the most real, raw, down to earth (mostly) guys who probably didn't even know how to be fake if they tried. speaking of our remarkable guys, in the middle of the year, they intently decided to set aside a special day just for us five girls. they plotted and planned the entire "hawaii 5-0" themed event- chauffeuring us in luxury to a broadway show, treating us to a legit luau, preparing games and music, affirming & praying over each of us- and all we had to do was show up & enjoy. it was serendipity. it was over and beyond anything the girls expected and we were definitely spoiled and pampered. in retrospect, in the midst of all the pain and hollowness i felt inside, that day helped heal my soul.
now as i fast forward to 2011, i can't help but smile and be in awe of the parallels. on a clear word of the Lord, in july i dropped everything and jetted to hawaii for 3 glorious months of indulging in the manifest presence of God, reviving my heart, and discovering what real love is. it was paradise and it was absolutely perfect. every morning i woke up, i seriously felt like the most blessed girl who ever lived. then at the end of september, God opened the doors for me to live in israel for the next 3 months. while living in jerusalem, i finally discovered who i am and what i'm called to do. in genesis, God gave jacob a new name, but what's more significant is that He imparted his true identity and he was able to boldly step out and live in fullness. the fresh identity gave him his purpose and calling. and like jacob, i can share in the struggle with man and God and more importantly in the victory of overcoming. oh man, victory is so sweet.
cynics might believe that hawaii and israel were just pure coincidences. not a chance. i couldn't have scripted the fine details to intertwine and fit so effortlessly and meticulously if i were the author of my own life or left it all up to chance. how amazing is our God? He trades our filthy rags and shame for a crown of beauty. as He's expanding my tunnel vision to see more of His perspective, i'm discovering how the pieces of my life, even the parts i wish to forget, are working together for my good and ultimately for His glory. through every page and chapter, He is romancing us as He writes us into His epic love story and He's specifically using our ugliest hardships and redeeming those very things to become our greatest triumphs. winning!
the best is yet to come.

“I don't wonder anymore what I'll tell God when I go to heaven when we sit in the chairs under the tree, outside the city........I'll tell these things to God, and he'll laugh, I think and he'll remind me of the parts I forgot, the parts that were his favorite. We'll sit and remember my story together, and then he'll stand and put his arms around me and say, "well done," and that he liked my story. And my soul won't be thirsty anymore. Finally he'll turn and we'll walk toward the city, a city he will have spoken into existence a city built in a place where once there'd been nothing. ”
― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life


Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

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