divine delay.

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. John 11:33

i can't help but be perplexed by this verse, that it's somewhat contradicting in the context of what led to the weeping and wailing. Jesus was fully aware of lazarus's sickness and yet He intentionally delayed in his response for two days. He loved lazarus, he was His "dear friend", and still He let Him die. i understand that Jesus knew what He was doing all along. it's not as if He was like, "dang it. i waited too long and now he's dead." there was a greater reason for the stalling- it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this. John 11:4. what confuses me is why Jesus is angered and deeply troubled by the result. the thing is, we know Jesus was fully able to miraculously heal lazarus right away and avoid the drama of his death altogether. in His wisdom and divine purpose, He must have foreseen that this death would cause immense heartache and turmoil to martha and mary. even still, He allowed it to happen. Jesus knew how the story would end from the very start. He knew that He was going to supernaturally raise lazarus from the dead, displaying an even greater miracle than if he had simply been healed immediately. i find mary's reaction to Jesus so refreshing and honest. she falls at His feet and cries, "Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died." John 11:32. she's not afraid to be real and express what's burning on her heart- that she doesn't get why He didn't intervene sooner to save lazarus from death, and truthfully that the situation really sucks. she's not hiding her raw emotions here. there's no doubt that the glory and the joy that the sisters eventually experienced far outweighed the momentary grief and suffering. but when it comes down to Jesus standing face to face with the one that He loves and sees her weeping, He's so moved that He weeps with her. how true it is that He was familiar with pain and touched by our infirmities. He takes up our most dreadful, gut-wrenching, devastating experiences to demonstrate His awesome glory and power. yeah, i believe it and proclaim this over my own life. in the meantime, before our stories are redeemed and His glory is revealed, it's encouraging to know that we can be real with Jesus. we can tell Him when our hearts are offended and life isn't fair. we're allowed to be pissed when things aren't quite the way they should be and others wrong us. He doesn't expect us to always be strong and have it all together, like we could ever put up a front before the omniscient God anyways. i love the ending of this story. even though He very well could have raised lazarus in silence and discreetness, He shouts in front of a large crowd for him to come out of the grave, receiving further glory by those who came to believe in Him through what they witnessed. and this is what He's called us to. He never said it would be easy, but by offering our lives to be used to display the power of God through our weaknesses and struggles, we get be living testimonies of His majesty and wonder. i'm awaiting the day for Jesus to shout into my life to awaken the parts of me that were once hopeless and dead. Jesus, have Your glory!

Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 53: 4-5, 10-12