love story.

i've been reflecting back at my life, particularly the past 10 years, quite a bit lately. i feel like God has been highlighting certain memories, heartaches and victories, to remind me that he was always there, even when i failed to recognize Him. to be really honest, for a long time i had difficulty accepting a lot of the things that happened. subconsciously i think i was always somewhat envious of those people who never went through extreme hardships and dark seasons. there were plenty of moments when i wished i could trade places with someone with an easier life and more favorable circumstances. but now i look back at my journey and see so much beauty every step of the way. He really is so faithful to the end and my heart is just being destroyed over and over again as i'm witnessing His redemption. especially during the most hopeless situations when i couldn't see an end to the suffering and had no outward reason to be joyful, it all mattered to God and it was not in vain. when our family literally had nothing else to cling onto or rely on but God, He never failed or disappointed us. all the times my heart was broken seemingly beyond repair, God was weeping with me and holding my hand. when the last of the locusts were done eating away at the little that was left, even then, my eyes have been opened to see God's fingerprints everywhere. it was all perfect because it has brought me to where i'm at now. i'm thankful for parents who are madly in love with the Lord who chose to praise God regardless of how bad or frequent the storms. i'm forever indebted to them for always putting God first and inevitably showing me and sis to do the same. after 10 years of sowing prayers and believing in His goodness, we're reaping the fruits and discovering that He restores tenfold what was initially lost. i came to realize very recently that i absolutely adore and treasure my story because Jesus is smothered all over it. it was only through experiencing utter brokenness and desperation that i'm able to confidently say there is genuinely nothing that compares to Him and no one else i want to give my whole heart and life to but God. this is no sacrifice. i know true joy- not defined by circumstances, possessions, or status- but by the simple fact that i'm fully known and loved by Jesus. in sweet surrender accompanied by deep hunger, i've found the one thing i've been searching for my whole life- true love. the creator of the entire universe is also the most intimate lover of my soul. i haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what this means, but i'm going to spend the rest of my life unfolding the weight of this mystery. it's become my obsession- i worship God as i sleep and wake up to all my thoughts being wholly consumed and captivated by Him. and i've never been happier. there's something so liberating and peaceful about giving total control to a perfectly trustworthy God. in my own story, there has been a recurring theme of restoration and His crazy, passionate, unrelenting love that has defined me and given me a purpose and calling- to bring His restoration and love to those who live in hopelessness and darkness, specifically in NK. but first things first. God, all my delights are in You.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Psalm 27:4