so good.

there are quite a few random regrets and hidden ambitions from my past that i've completely forgotten about until just recently when i realized that God remembers even our tiniest, unspoken desires. ever since i attended design school in new york city, i always regretted not attending a university with an actual campus, complete with the dorm life, cafeteria food and community atmosphere (i lived off campus). when i arrived at YWAM in july, i was reminded of this wish from so many years ago and just smiled to myself, thanking God for providing exactly what i longed for. several months ago, i shared with my small group at church that my dream job would be to travel and blog. and here i am, blogging from hawaii, on the brink of heading to the middle east next month and who knows what country i'll be blogging from after that. 10 years ago when our family went through the darkest and most painful season- chapter 11 bankruptcy after 9/11, hopelessness and deep depression, failure after failure- it was nearly impossible to see God in the midst. years later when i was even more broken and desperate than ever before, i started to proclaim joel 2:25-27 for myself and my family. The Lord says, I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the Lord your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced. Then you will know that I am among my people Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other. Never again will my people be disgraced. 10 years later, and i'm witnessing the overwhelming goodness of God's restoration and His extraordinary favor. as i reflect back on even just the past couple months, i'm seeing His ridiculous joy, crazy love and legitimately supernatural provisions for my family. He is faithful, even when we neglect our requests that we've been bringing to Him for years. He is better than we can ever imagine, greater than we could ever hope for. a couple weeks into DTS, someone approached me during a ministry time and simply said, "i felt like God just wanted me to tell you that He is faithful to your desires. He sees all the desires you have in your heart and He'll be faithful to them all." honestly, given my limited scope, my initial disposition was that this word was only about my future husband and family. so i kind of just brushed it aside and didn't think much about it. last week, i really felt like the Lord was giving me a destiny dream for NK. i was excited but still wanted confirmation that this was indeed God calling me. while i was praying one day, psalm 37 was highlighted to me and i was so convinced that God was speaking to me about NK- the wicked being destroyed and the innocent possessing the land and receiving an everlasting inheritance. although it took me about an hour to notice, i was floored as i read the beginning of the chapter in verse 4, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire. it brought me back to the prophecy a few weeks earlier. He is faithful to this desire in my heart to be sent to NK. this is just one of many ways He's been speaking to me specifically about my dream. i confess though, last weekend, i struggled so much as i took this calling on as a burden. i felt completely inundated with unhealthy fears and sadness. i couldn't shake off unsettled anxieties and just felt weird and restless about it all. then the past couple days, it's as if God has been calling me by name, speaking powerfully & directly to me through others. it's not about my plans. it's all about His presence. i forgot to keep the main thing, the main thing. life is just about being loved by God, remaining in His presence and enjoying Him. the rest of life is lived through revelations of His love as it overflows to everything else. this truth released so much light and peace into my heart. all i have to do is delight in His presence. God, can it be that You are this good? it's true. You are so good. be my everything, Jesus.