Wednesday, July 20, 2011

be still.


cease from striving.


so i had this amazing date with Jesus last night. we walked downtown to the pier right around sunset, sat on the ledge by the rocks and listened to the crashing waves together. there was no music. no wrestling with God. no struggle to find an answer. i just felt like God saying i needed to be quiet and listen- even though He didn't say anything. the longer i pondered on the vastness of God and soaked in the endless ocean before me, i couldn't help but feel incredibly small. like, who am i that the God of the universe, the creator of heaven and earth, would know me? but even in the midst of acknowledging the magnitude and enormity of God, i knew i was so thoroughly and entirely known by Him- that we can share inside jokes just between the two of us and even a tiny glance toward His direction moves His heart. to be honest, yeah, i still struggle with entrusting my future plans and ambitions completely to God and i worry about finding a spouse and having children. this next part is pretty scary to admit, but in that place of being still with Jesus, none of it really mattered anymore. my calling, direction in life, career path- God's loosening my grip and control of it all and teaching me to surrender, not due to legalism or conviction in itself, but because faith is rising up in me and i believe with my whole entire being that God is faithful and good and has amazing plans for my life. what do i have to be afraid of?? so in the quietness and stillness, when it seems like nothing is happening or i should be striving harder, i'll wait with eager expectation to hear You. oh, JESUS.

i want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand. lay back against You and breath, feel Your heartbeat. this love is so deep, it's more than i can stand. i melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming.

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