fight or flight?

i had the most vividly disturbing dream last night. all of my teeth were loose and one by one, i was effortlessly spitting out giant, bloody teeth in total dismay. as you can imagine, i woke up with the most unsettling anxiety. any former presence of peace and confidence was replaced with doubts and fear. how did this happen so quickly? and more importantly, what am i so stressed about? (i heard teeth dreams have to do with stress). i have no qualms about the future- hawaii, outreach, even coming back home in december after almost 6 months of being away. when i'm honest with myself, i know this restlessness stems from whatever unresolved issues i have now. oh gosh. i thought i was over & done with this. i'd hate to be the type that hides ugly scars and failures with colorful band-aids & fake smiles, with only temporary relief and superficial fixes. and now, on the heels of a blissful and amazing past 2 weeks, i'm reminded once again that the enemy is never too far from trying to steal my joy & deafen my ears to hear God's voice. i'm also made starkly aware that this really is not about me at all. i confess, i subconsciously convinced myself that this calling & decision was accredited to me being "good" (whatever that means) or useful, whereas before i wasn't. as if i'm eligible & qualified now and can do God this big favor or something. twisted logic, i know. i'm just learning as i'm going & taking notes along the way. so what do i do now? fight or flight? even if i chose to fight, i don't even know what i'm fighting for; i just know i don't want to do it anymore. so, i guess it's convenient that there's a flight option just around the corner. as much as it seems like a cop-out, running away can be the right answer at times, especially when i'm actually running TO something. when it comes down to it, we all just want someone to stand up and fight for us. when we have nothing left to give and we're fresh out of ideas and strategies and we're one small straw away from giving up on it all, whether we acknowledge it or not, we need someone stronger, someone able, and someone incredibly loving & beautiful to tell us we're worth fighting for. the last thing i want to be is weak and needy, but i confess, i'm desperate for You to take me by the hand and tell me that You're still fighting for me.