Tuesday, March 1, 2011

gotta have faith.


It's incredible how far a little bit of faith can go. I'm realizing this as I'm reflecting on the beginning of this year, now already 3 months in. The most suitable word that would perfectly describe Jini in 2011 up until not too long ago is simply: numb. I didn't really allow myself to feel anything or have a reaction that was either hot or cold. Somewhere along the way, as much as I'd hate to admit this, I lost my faith. It's ironic that I can have tons of faith in God for others, pray big prayers with total conviction & proclaim miracles, yet when it comes to believing for myself, I'm full of doubts. Being a control freak and having a mild case of OCD, I confess I tried to make it on my own strength and willpower. As if I could do things better, I neglected to trust that I'm a beloved child of God. How could he NOT provide and care for His very own creation? We are His masterpiece. All the stress, anxiety, worries, fears and anger, these things just reaffirmed the fact that there was a vast absence of faith in a loving and omnipotent God. Although my faith is nowhere near perfect, I'm rediscovering that it's not necessarily the amount of faith that matters so much as the object of my faith. Gradually, I'm learning to fully believe that God really IS so good and I have nothing to fear. And as I'm allowing this powerful truth to sink in and take root, I'm finding myself breathing easier, with peace in my heart, smiling at the future.



11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.
Jeremiah 29

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37

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